My Child Is Behind at Nursery

Hearing That Your Child Is Behind Can Be Really Difficult

Whether it is a nursery practitioner mentioning that your child is not quite where they expected them to be, or your own observation that your child seems behind their peers, hearing that your child may not be meeting developmental milestones can be deeply unsettling. You might feel anxious, defensive, or simply unsure what to do next.

It is important to remember that the early years are a time of enormous developmental variation. Children reach milestones at different ages, and a child who is "behind" at nursery is not necessarily going to stay behind. However, the early years are also a critical window for intervention — if there is an area where your child needs extra support, getting help early can make a significant difference to their long-term outcomes.

ChildWize is here to help you navigate this uncertain time. We can connect you with specialists who can assess your child's development, identify any areas of need, and recommend the right support — all without the lengthy waiting lists that families often face through NHS pathways.

What Areas Might Be Causing Concern?

When nursery staff talk about a child being "behind," they may be referring to any number of developmental areas. Speech and language development is one of the most common concerns at nursery age — if a child is not yet talking, has limited vocabulary, or is difficult to understand, this can affect their ability to participate in nursery activities and form friendships with other children.

Motor skills are another area that nurseries often monitor. This includes both gross motor skills (running, climbing, jumping, balance) and fine motor skills (holding a pencil, using scissors, doing up buttons). Delays in motor development can sometimes be associated with dyspraxia (developmental coordination disorder) or other developmental differences.

Social and emotional development is also important at this age. If your child finds it very difficult to separate from you, struggles to play alongside or with other children, has frequent emotional outbursts, or finds it hard to follow nursery routines, these could be signs that they would benefit from some additional support. Sensory processing differences can also become apparent at nursery, where the environment is often busier and noisier than home.

What Is Typical at Nursery Age?

Development in the early years is highly variable, and the range of what is considered typical is very broad. The Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS) framework used in England sets out developmental expectations across several areas, but these are guidelines rather than rigid benchmarks.

By age two, most children can use around 50 words and are beginning to put two words together. They can walk, run (sometimes unsteadily), and are beginning to feed themselves. They engage in parallel play and are starting to show interest in other children. By age three, most children can speak in short sentences, follow simple instructions, use a spoon and fork, and are becoming more independent in their self-care.

By age four, children are typically able to have conversations, play cooperatively with others, hold a pencil, and manage basic dressing and toileting. However, these are averages, and many children develop some skills ahead of schedule while lagging in others. If your nursery has raised specific concerns, it can be helpful to understand which areas they are referring to so you can seek targeted support.

How ChildWize Can Support Your Family

ChildWize can connect you with developmental assessment specialists who can carry out a comprehensive evaluation of your child's development across all key areas. We also have speech and language therapists who can assess and support communication development, and educational support specialists who can advise on how to work with your nursery to put the right support in place.

All sessions take place online, which works particularly well for young children — they can be assessed and supported in their home environment, which often gives a more accurate picture of their abilities than an unfamiliar clinical setting. Parents and carers are encouraged to be involved in sessions, and your specialist will equip you with strategies and activities to support your child's development at home.

If your child's assessment suggests that they may benefit from further investigation — such as a referral for a developmental paediatric assessment — your specialist can guide you through the process and provide the documentation you need.

Practical Steps You Might Consider

If your nursery has raised concerns, it can be helpful to ask them for specific details about what they are observing. Which developmental areas are they concerned about? How does your child compare to their peers in those specific areas? Are there any strategies the nursery is already using to support your child? This information can be very useful if you decide to seek a professional assessment.

At home, you might want to focus on creating a rich, language-filled environment — talking to your child about what you are doing, reading stories together, singing songs, and giving them plenty of time to respond. For motor skills, activities like playdough, building with blocks, climbing, and messy play can all support development in a fun and natural way.

It can also be helpful to speak with your health visitor, who can carry out a developmental check and may be able to refer you to local support services. If your child is in England, they are entitled to a two-year-old developmental check through the health visiting service.

ChildWize does not replace NHS services, health visitors, or your child's nursery. If you have urgent concerns about your child's health or development, please contact your GP or health visitor directly.